"Stop This Train" by John Mayer

Verse:

"No I'm not color blind

I know the world is black and white

I try to keep an open mind

But I just can't sleep on this tonight”

Mayer seems to portray a sense of denial here. He might be trying to convince himself of clean cut binaries, but the colors of the world are starting to blur now. For me, the more complexity I see, the thicker black and white become. As I move forward into new stages of life, the normal yet harsh realities of life begin to unmask themselves. Even in my pampered American life I agonize over growing up, watching my family age, seeing the effects of bad choices made by those I love, the horrors of society, diseases, and illnesses worse than death. Life can be a forecast of gloom mixed with showers of joy most of the time. The weight of wrong in the world can be suffocating, and one both Mayer and I wish to ignore at times because of its sobering effect.

Verse:

"Don't know how else to say it

I don't want to see my parents go

One generation's length away

From fighting life out on my own"

The anxiety of this lyric is real. I am terrified of life without my parents. Their wisdom and protection is a life jacket that keeps me above water. My heart is still in their home at times. To be clear, I am a grown, married man who is self-supporting and am happy making my own family, but my nostalgic heart wants to be back at their table, safe and sound, guarded, loved, and without worry. Oh the sweetness of those days which now are gone, and many of the days ahead consist of those memories fading. My mother and father's minds will dissolve; I will watch them deteriorate. Time will consume them and retire their bodies to dust. Fleeting are the moments I cherish for a lifetime; fleeting are the people I cannot live life without. The souls so dear to me will be ripped away. 

Verse:

“So scared of getting older

I'm only good at being young

So I play the numbers game

To find a way to say that life has just begun"

In high school there was the hope of college. In college there was the hope of career. In singleness there was the hope of marriage. What next? At some point I cannot kick hope further down the line; I cannot be forever young. At some point there is no more "potential." Facing the post-youth worldview is daunting. When will I stop feeding the lie that "now" is coming rather than "now" is now. My life is here; It is not far off. I must face myself without the immediate comfort of future circumstances of a future me. 

Verse:

“Once in a while, when it's good

It'll feel like it should

When you're all still around

And you're still safe and sound

And you don't miss a thing

'Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark”

I’ve been here. Sitting around the kitchen, generations of love sharing a meal, a laugh, a tear. All seems right. The world may burn, but this moment, this family, has a lighthearted embrace that adds peace to the chaos. These times feel like old times, yet they too end. The drive home is sweet, but becomes a little stale when you can no longer see the porch light. Everyone goes off to their individual pilgrimages where life is not as warm. The sobering prospect that those now seasonal reunions will end too is depressing. Retaining a slice of that childhood home is hard enough, but having no home or homemakers to ever return to is tragic. Why do we have to drive away? It hurts. Yes, even those with good childhoods and families ache for what is gone. Good folks or bad folks, we all cry eventually. For those we will lose, or those we never had.

Chorus:

"Stop this train

I want to get off and go home again

I can't take the speed it's moving in

I know I can't

But honestly, won't someone stop this train?”

Time ticks, and another brick of human existence is chipped away. It seems for Mayer the train is not going anywhere pleasant, but only passing by cherished time with no chance to savor it. If only we could stop and go home again to sweet moments and stages. Why must life be so fleeting? I feel the pain; I shed tears with John over the agony of the world’s pace, but there is a dramatic difference between us. For him, the train goes off a cliff with no conductor to guide it. For me, though I weep as I view what passes through the windows, I know where we’re bound. Someone will stop the train. Time will halt, and my mortality with all its ailments will be eradicated. The losses will fade; the darkness will dim. The train will reach its destination. The comfort I have found  in youth, family, and memories will fall short of a new creation unimpeded by earthly joy that slipped through my hands like sand. This joy will be solid, Rock solid. 

Here is the Lyric video for “Stop This Train,” and a music video I found thoughtful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UiX4dUUjWc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IkR5nZZSvk&t=279s